Movie Talk: Witchcraft 8: Salem's Ghost (1996)

 Taking a little break from the hardcore today as we dive into one of the longest running horror series out there, Witchcraft. I specifically picked part 8 to take about today because it is... well, this one is special. In a series that is 16 movies long, that is saying something. 

Witchcraft 8 drops the main storyline of the first 7 films, and focuses on a stand alone tale of a couple buying a very haunted house. Our couple, Sonny and Mary Ann, are trying to start over in a new place, with Sonny taking on a new job, and the couple buying a creepy old house that is obviously hiding something. That something is the ghost of an evil dude bro warlock locked away in a secret tomb in their basement. He gets released and "sexy" shenanigans ensue, because the Warlock is awake and he has the hots for Mary Ann. Also, Sonny has to overcome his claustrophobia or something... I don't know, character arcs aren't this movie's strong suit. 

I have seen the first 13 of the Witchcraft films, and Salem's Ghost is hands down one of my favorite. This movie isn't good, but it is so spectacularly bad (and weird), that watching it is a pure joy. This one does find ways to lean into the humor more than the earlier films, bringing in a comical priest character with a terrible Irish accent that really keeps things entertaining. Then there are the horny neighbors who can't keep their hands off each other. The husband is your average over aggressive slob, and the wife is a pretty blonde who has all her dialogue dubbed over because someone behind the scenes apparently hated the sound of the original actresses's voice. Do these characters have any depth? No, and thank God because if this movie took itself serious for one minute it would be unwatchable. As it is now it really is for only the hardiest of B-movie lovers. This film had no budget and was shot in 10 days, and it shows in every single frame. Although I have a feeling that a trimmed version would have been very popular on USA's Up All Night back in the day. God I miss that show... 

Then we get to the sex scenes. The Witchcraft series always tries to blend erotica with horror, and usually does it fairly badly. This movie is no exception, and includes one of the most unfortunate love scenes I have ever seen put on film. Just imagine, weird public domain jazz plays over a couple locked in the throws of passion in their kitchen. They get adventurous, and start to involve food in their love making. Do they choose sexy foods, like strawberries and whipped cream? Oh no, no simple sexy foods for Sonny and Mary Ann. Instead they opt for left over spaghetti and chocolate sauce. This scene is the most unsexy, and honestly most unsettling thing I have probably ever seen in my life, and I loved every minute of it. I will say that chocolate sauce should never be incorporated into a love scene, though. Especially if the participants are rubbing it all over each other. And spaghetti... 

There is a reason this movie is known lovingly as "Floor Spaghetti" in my house. 

None of the Witchcraft movies are particularly good, at least not by any mainstream metric. These were made super cheap, and with the sole purpose of filling up shelves in video stores. While the early entries try to be more straight forward horror films without the sexual element, by movie 4 they had given fully into the late night Cinemax bump and grind, mixing in softcore lovemaking and ultra low budget supernatural "thrills". You even have genre staple Julie Strain and a young Sunset Thomas show up in. It honestly isn't until the series moves into the softcore realm that it becomes enjoyable. By the time we get to Salem's Ghost, the series was at its prime. If you ever want to check out the series, just skip the first movie. It is a boring knock off of Rosemary's Baby that completely lacks any of the cheese and sleaze that would make the other films so much fun. 

I was going to say that they don't make movies like these anymore, but they literally just came out with parts 14, 15 and 16 a couple years ago, and there are whisperings of a part 17 on the horizon, so it sounds like the series is alive and well. Even with more films coming out, I don't think they will ever capture the sheer lunacy that is the 8th film in the series. I mean, this movie is batshit in the best way. I am also sure that this series will show up on the blog again, because some of these movies are worth checking out. Oh, and does Witchcraft 8: Salem's Ghost work as a movie? I mean... I guess. Kind of? At least it's fun. 


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